I feel blah today. I suppose it is the lack of sleep. I honestly don't believe my true self can come out. The exhausted, cranky, irritable self is very strong and overtaking the real me. Almost like a cranky monster, per say. Hayley is almost 6 months old, on the 17th, and she has not slept through the night. Once, maybe twice, she slept for about 5 hours, and that was so long ago I can't even remember. It is all such a blur. Hayley's poor sleeping habits is really starting to get to me. I have read on the Internet a lot about this and no, she is not a bad sleeper, she just has bad sleeping habits. So it is time to teach her new habits. I was given 2 sleeping baby books, one from cousin Dawn and one from friend Sarah, and neither of them are working for me, and I don't fault the books, I fault my weakness for my crying baby. I hate letting her cry, and I am now at the point where I am over it. I am ready to let her cry if that's what it takes. We tried once, and she came down with a cold, then an ear infection, and blah blah blah - here we are today. Since Christmas we have given in and put her to bed with us. Last night, she was thrashing around kicking me so much I think I slept for maybe an hour total. So that will be the end of that.
A couple things, first of all, I just want to say that we have tried everything people have advised us to try. And over and over again we've tried. Don't pick her up, pick her up, let her cry, don't let her cry, no nightlight, put her in the crib awake, sleepy, asleep. Play music, make it noisy, make it quiet. Swaddle, no swaddle, half swaddle. Lovey, pacifier. You name it, we tried it. We are giving her cereal to make her full, we've tried a bottle instead of nursing, just nursing, combining both. We have established a bed time routine so she knows it's bedtime. We have mimicked everything in our room that she could love, with the exception of us being in her room, for the fact that she sleeps in our bed just fine even when we aren't there. We put a fluffy blanket under her sheet. We tried the room warm, cool. Putting her down earlier, keeping her up longer. We have tried everything!
Secondly, all these books and all this advice I'm finding, is for a baby who has a hard time falling asleep. Well Hayley has no problem falling asleep. She does that just fine. She has a problem staying asleep. This is usually what happens: about 7ish I nurse her until she is really sleepy. Then I swaddle her up and give her her pacifier. Then I put her in her crib and she goes right to sleep. Then anywhere between 5 minutes and an hour later she wakes up. Usually because she has lost her pacifier. We go in and give it to her. Then she will go to sleep again for 30 minutes to an hour and then wake up crying again. At this point, she is done. She absolutely refuses to go back to sleep unless we pick her up. The moment we pick her up, she stops crying and within 5 minutes, fall back to sleep in our arms. We put her back in the crib and the cycle goes all over again. This will go all night long until I nurse her around 1 (if she doesn't insist I nurse sooner. Sometimes I find myself nursing her every 2 hours). Then maybe she'll sleep for 3 hours, then wake to nurse again, then she wants to play, then about a half hour later, get her back to sleep until 7:30. What I have just explained is a good night. I won't even get into the bad nights.
I ask myself what are we doing wrong? Why is this happening? What can we do better?
Well today is December 30th and I am making it my New Years Resolution to get my child sleeping through the night. Unfortunately, she has a minor cold, but when this is through, I am done with these games. I need to sleep. I am beyond exhausted. Is there a name for what I am feeling right now? Besides desperate.
Stay tuned...hopefully next time I post a rant, it will be a rant of joy for my sleeping baby.
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Every baby has their own timing. Try not to compare yours to others. You will find that some do some things quicker, others do other things quicker. It doesn't really matter.
Perhaps you could slow yourself down and get some more rest when you can. This sleeping stuff is normal and temporary and she may not sleep through the night for a while. While she rests, rest. Try to find calmer activities for yourself, maybe more reading and meditation and light some candles and don't worry so much about this being" wrong". It is pretty normal for young ones to keep their mama's and dad's up for the first year. Adjust yourself, till she adjusts. Do what you need to do to keep your family rested and healthy? Find your own rhythm as a family.
Maybe you are trying too hard. Take some time, relax and not try anything different for a while. She has only been here for 6 months. Before you know it she will be walking off to her own room and slamming the door telling you she needs her own space. Try to let what is, be. Look at her, she is lovely and sweet and healthy. You must be doing something right. Maybe now that it is winter and cold you can say no, to busyness and yes, to simplicity and slowing down.
Put your serenity first. If it means saying no, say no. You two and your baby come first. No other relationships matter as much. Things are constantly changing. Relax a little and notice how much you already have learned and how you and Dave have done so much adjusting and already things that were so scary in the beginning you both do with eaze. Be patient. Put the "how to" books down. Curl up and breathe. Drink tea, listen to some quiet music, take a warm lavendar bath.Everything is just as it should be. Stop asking for advice for a while. Just watch and listen and find your own way. It will come. I promise. Some day she will go off to sleep and this part of raising her will be over. Be patient.
Hi Dave
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